Today I read a post on my friend Victor’s blog about his life and his current relationship. Victor and I are similar in many ways. We both over analyse things to death….we think too much about everything….we see issues and problems where there are not any. His post made me explore my own relationships…and started to realise that I have actually fucked up a few of them….or maybe all of them? Continuing the subject, I had a quick lunch with my friend Magda who was actually in between relationships. Magda was a total gay man trapped in a woman’s body. The only difference is she was a serial monogamist.

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I am constantly trying to find equality in all of my relationships: work, life, friendships and love. My boyfriend always says that it is not a “competition” but I keep “benchmarking” for inequalities. DG is a very generious guy and at times that makes me uncomfortable...I do not want him to think I am taking advantage of him. At work, I am always trying to keep up with my work colleagues…doing just enough to ensure I am equal to them..if not surpass them. Is there ever equality in love and in life? Is there any time when two people actually have an equal relationship? It may all begin with who pays for dinner. In Sweden for example, going Dutch or splitting the bill in restaurants is the norm. If you are in a couple, you take turns in paying the bills. But going Dutch in business environments is probably not a good strategy.

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She had broken up with her latest flame Tom because she felt he just was not that into her. She thought something was missing: he was just not giving as much as she was….Maybe she was too needy? I could relate. I had been in relationships where things started equal but at the end I was the only one making the effort…the only one taking the emotional gamble. But then again maybe I was too needy as well? Maybe I had unrealistic expectations about what I could get from another person? Maybe I should just be happy to have a relationship..any type of relationship. Maybe I should find completeness within my self first? Magda brought me back to reality. She was not one to settle…She wanted her needs met…and she wanted someone who was really into her. She expressed these concerns to Tom but he told her he could “not give” any further. Was she a bad person for wanting certain things? Or just a person with needs?

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On Monday night I went out with my friend Barry who I had not seen for ages. I had actually met Barry through my ex-flatmate. I knew he kindda had a crush on me when we first met..many years ago. I enjoyed our chats and catch ups. In the past I kept feeling like I was leading Barry on…but the reality was that I had made it very clear to him that I just wanted to be friends. The thing that made me uncomfortable was that Barry always paid for me whenever we went out. I always made the effort to shout him or go Dutch but he always managed to beat me to the bill. I brought this up but still he would not let me pay. Maybe he’s old fashioned…maybe he’s not into going Dutch…shouting (Aussie slang for inviting/treating you to something) is pretty common now. Men are not always obliged to pay on first dates. In Australia, it is very common for friends to shout you a round of drinks, but you normally expect a shout back. But what happens when someone else is always shouting (inviting) you for dinner? Is that just a sugar daddy relationship? Or should the person who can afford it most, shout you?

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When you are single, sometimes you think the world is against you. Single-ness can seem like a handicap…you feel like a member of a minority group in a world made up of couples. Now it seems that if you are single, you are also more likely to be poor. A report released in Australia shows that more of us are poorer today than 15 years ago. The results reveal that 12.9 per cent of Australians were poor today compared to 11.6 per cent in 1990. Single people, men and the elderly were more likely to be poor than in the past and children were better off.

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